I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.
What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste
A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? A: Your mom can't take a joke.
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you." Guy: "Boobs!"
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob. The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick" The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.