A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Kids: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Kid: Homework!
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.