Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he puts on sunscreen to protect the sun from him.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris can break air.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Do you know why the Earth's spinning ? Because Chuck Norris is running on it.
Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time