Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
"With great power comes a great beard!" - Chuck Norris.
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris stared in to the mirror and said, "There can only be one Chuck Norris." Then his reflection cried and walked away.
The reason Tom Cruise runs in all his movies is because he's running the hell away from Chuck Norris.