Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared." Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.