Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A Pedophiles ass.
Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body. Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asks, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes." "What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician. "Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? - Because black people have no rights..
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."