Joke #9670

Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, new year

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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 78.67 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 64.81 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September? A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
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has 72.08 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, new year, sex, time
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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has 79.37 % from 1819 votes. More jokes about: new year, prison, racist
Chuck Norris's tears can cure every type of cancer, the only problem is he never cried.
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has 31.14 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, medical
When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: new year, time