Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.” Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful, next time?” “Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. NOT SO FAST, McGrath!”
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Three desperately ill men go to their docter seeking help. One is and alcoholic, One is a chain smoker and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die. So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can't resist. He orders a shot of whisky drinks it and suddenly drops down dead the other two men walk out side realising how serious this is, but then the chain smoker sees a half a ciggarette on the ground still burning so the gay guy says to the chain smoker "if you bend over to pick that up were both dead"
When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.