Joke #974

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo. "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?" "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?" Quasimodo came out and said... "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris

What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.

Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."

Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, I thought you would be tougher Batman!"

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.

How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.