Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo. "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?" "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?" Quasimodo came out and said... "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
Columbus may have discovered America, but after a conversation with Chuck Norris it was decided, Chuck Norris discovered America.
I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man? Batman can go to the store without robin.
Wolverine has been called indestructible because of his adamantium skeleton... until Chuck Norris broke every bone in his body.
Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.