Joke #9828

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life

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A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
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Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, life, time
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
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has 82.28 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
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has 56.72 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: asian, family, food, life, racist
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck." "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off." "My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?" "Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye." "My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?" "No, that was the first day I had my hook."
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has 83.02 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, health, life
Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.
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has 78.82 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: food, life