What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay? A: In the bridle suite.
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.