Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
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Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week".
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!"
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies.
"I don't have time for sex.But a talking frog is pretty neat."
Vote:
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena.
Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Jim, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
Vote:
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"