Chuck Norris made Dirty Harry's day.
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris can win a Grammy from coughing.
Chuck Norris does not cleanse himself with your everyday shower. He uses Meteor Showers.
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Chuck Norris can suck a black hole.
Q: What do you call a one-man quickie? A: A yankee.