Joke #9932

What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits? A cud thud.

Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."

If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.

What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef.

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"

What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!

Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.