The best kids jokes

Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck.
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Vote: has 33.86 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, money, food
He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
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More jokes about: kids, business
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money, kids, death, medical