The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall.
Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way.
He got a bag of chips and a drink.
He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
They said the baby looked like me.
Until they turned him the right way up.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy.
What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant.
What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
First boy: "Are you having a party for your birthday?"
Second boy: "No, I'm having a witch do."
First boy: "What's a witch do?"
Second boy: "She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."