The best lawyer jokes

Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
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What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer? A Dobermann pinscher.
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What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
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What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
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Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
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The boss speaking with the secretary: Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long? My lawyer.
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A desperate man enters a bar and says: All the lawyers are stupid!!! From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man: Take that back! Why? Are you a lawyer? No, I’m stupid...
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