The best lawyer jokes

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
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Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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