The best lawyer jokes

Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar. The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
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Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? A: A great place to start.
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Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church. Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...
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Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do.
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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