The best lawyer jokes

A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
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A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
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What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes? Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
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How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
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Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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