Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Q: Why are politicians like diapers? A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." Bush replied, "What’s the good news?" "I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.