The best jokes about life

Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.
Vote: has 79.60 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, food
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote: has 79.60 % from 164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex, car, baby
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...? "It's open."
Vote: has 79.58 % from 147 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, knock-knock
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, life
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"
Vote: has 79.54 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, age, doctor, alcohol, game
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Vote: has 79.46 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat.
Vote: has 79.38 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
On the Internet you can be anything you want. It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, internet, stupid
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
Vote: has 79.35 % from 1216 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, life, animal
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
Vote: has 79.34 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women, wife, life