By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
I'm tired 8 days a week.
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Q: How did the hail stone describe it's life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
On the Internet you can be anything you want. It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.