The best jokes about life

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
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Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.
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Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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What is height of Activelaziness? Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
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More jokes about: life, food