How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves. In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail. The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail. The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail. So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.