The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wad of chocolate on a toothpick. If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir: You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here. But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.