Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
What has four legs but can't walk? A chair.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.
Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once? So people can’t see that the company works without them..