The best management jokes

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
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A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001." Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four." Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
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More jokes about: business, accountant, management, work, lawyer
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
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More jokes about: sex, money, time, management
When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: work, management
I'm not usually one to tell someone how to do their job, which is probably why my promotion to management only lasted a week.
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More jokes about: work, management, time
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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More jokes about: religious, dirty, management, holiday
My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness. So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: management, money, work, drug
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir." "Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."
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More jokes about: accountant, management, money
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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More jokes about: accountant, management, money, accountant
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. ‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’ Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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More jokes about: IT, management