I asked my wife why did she marry me.
Wife: "Because you are funny."
Me: "I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?"
Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Warming up your dinner."
Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.
I joined Bachelors Anonymous.
Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another.
So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
"Hey, man! You didn't tell me why didn't you get through with the wedding!"
"To tell you the truth... I'm thinking about your wife, all the time!"
"WHAT? You PRICK!"
"Chill out man... Don't get it wrong... I'm just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had...!"
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
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