The best marriage jokes

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month." "Why did you wait so long to report it?" "Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
Vote: has 47.24 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, cop, wife
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, food, animal
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Vote: has 46.99 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, fart, marriage
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, time, food, life
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work, wife, god, animal
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, school, sport, football