The best marriage jokes

What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, time, food, money
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, animal, food
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, health
One day a Viking named Leif returned after a long sea voyage and found that during his absence his name had been removed from the town register. He sent his wife to the town hall make a complaint to the mayor. "I’m sorry," said the mayor, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, geography
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, doctor
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, desert island, marriage, women, time