My wife is temperamental.
Fifty per cent temper and 50 per cent mental.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
A wife tells her husband:
"We never go out anywhere…"
"Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote:
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
Vote:
What is the difference between marriage and death?
Dead people are free.