The best marriage jokes

Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. Instead they were writing notes back and forth. One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.” When he woke up the next morning it was 9. He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her. On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
Vote: has 34.13 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
Vote: has 34.09 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, divorce, wife
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night. I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage