Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.