The best marriage jokes

Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
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More jokes about: marriage
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
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More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, kids, life, bar
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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More jokes about: men, marriage
I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
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More jokes about: marriage, doctor
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
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More jokes about: IT, marriage, baby
My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
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More jokes about: marriage
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
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Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces? Nothing all the good ones are taken.
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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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More jokes about: marriage
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
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More jokes about: sport, money, marriage, time