Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
He never got married.
He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
I live like a medieval knight.
Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night.
I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’
‘Why don’t you go home to your wife.
Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!
A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon.
Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport.
A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk.
The manager asks why his wife has left the island.
"Were you not having a good time?"
The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
My husband added some spice to our marriage.
He's left home.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.