Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
Yo mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there will be some pi.
Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8? Student: Miss horizontally or vertically? Teacher: What do mean? Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!
What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.