The best mean jokes

Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: flirt, mean, women, men
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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More jokes about: wedding, mother in law, family, mean
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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More jokes about: relationship, Valentines day, love, romantic, mean
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
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More jokes about: vulgar, mean, dirty, business
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, money, time, military, mean
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, alcohol, party, ugly, mean
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, game, time, school, mean
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: history, black humor, mean, women
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, family, mean
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, viagra, mean, insulting