John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What does a man call true love? An erection.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.