According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.