The best jokes about men

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
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How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
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How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
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I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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More jokes about: men, husband, work
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
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