He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!