A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ ‘Is that so?’ says the manager. ‘And what companies are those?’ The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
Yo mama so poor the i saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!