A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
I’ve just come into some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser. ‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman. ‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.
Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer? He liked cold hard cash!
What’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild? A fifty-dollar bill.
Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. ‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk. When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.