The best money jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser. ‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman. ‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
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has 47.87 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, sex, women
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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has 47.50 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
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has 47.46 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money
A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?" The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?” Tech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.” Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.” After trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL. A while later she called back. Customer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites. I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.” Tech Support: “Yes?” Customer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?” Tech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.” Customer: “Wonderful! My oldest son works in Sweden. He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone. This will save us lots of money! Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”
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has 47.24 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, money, phone
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