Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes? So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
I was taken short in the back of a taxi. Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note. Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
Did you hear about the gypsy who won the Lottery? He got paid in travellers’ cheques.
Think nobody knows you’re alive? Try missing a payment.
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
The best things in life are free, plus tax.
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.