Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
Chuck Norris can skip a track on a cassette.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.
Chuck Norris can skip a sound track on the radio if he doesn't like it.
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!