Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.