My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
The following conversation took place in school. Teacher: "So we are all descended from Adam and Eve." Young kid: "My dad says we came from apes." Teacher: "That's probably true for your family Abdul."
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."