A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant? A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
Q: Why do we have to be quiet in church? A: Because people are sleeping!
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy." Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman." Coincidence?
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
Chuck Norris knows the secret of the Caramilk